


Bad Romance

by Prochytes



Category: NCIS
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-27
Updated: 2011-04-27
Packaged: 2017-10-18 17:50:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/191576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Prochytes/pseuds/Prochytes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Abby dates an actual vampire. This ends about as well as one would expect.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bad Romance

**Author's Note:**

> No significant spoilers. Originally posted on LJ in 2010.

1\. Prelude.

 

“Abby’s dating what?!”

”You’re the last one to be judgmental, Tony. Didn’t one of your girlfriends try to steal your kidney?”

“Completely different ball-game, probie. Who wouldn’t want a piece of this DNA? But the undead...”

“I still say you’re over-reacting.”

“You’ll speak differently when our loveable techie is a BITCH OF THE DEVIL!!! A WHORE OF DARKNESS!!!”

“That’s a terrible Vincent Price, Tony.”

“It was Anthony Hopkins.”

“Huh.”

“Anyway, it’s a non-issue. Gibbs has a Rule about the walking pulseless.”

“Gibbs has a Rule about lawyers, too.”

“Obvious witticisms aside, probie, this Rule is in the Forties.”

“Oh. Crap.”

 

2\. Intervention.

 

“Tony... what is Ziva wearing?”

“Aha. That was my own little masterstroke of psychological warfare. Guaranteed to strike terror into the cold static heart of your stalkery night-walker.”

“Which element, exactly? The mini-skirt? Or the pom-poms?”

“Nosferatu fear cheerleaders. I’d expect you to know that, McHelsing.”

“Have you noticed that her Death Glare works irrespective of her hem-line?”

“I have. It must be that Mossad training.”

“She still had her Star of David, though.”

“100% effective on Jewish vampires, probie. The highest authority confirms it.”

“The Mishnah?”

“ _The Fearless Vampire Killers_. Saddle up, Timmie. It’s time to rescue our girl.”

 

3\. Aftermath.

 

“Abby doesn’t seem too cut up that Gibbs shot Romeo. In the head. With an exploding round.”

“She must have known that the relationship was going nowhere when she saw the sacrificial altar. That’s almost as bad as forgetting birthdays.”

“Do you think Ziva will ever get what’s left of Romeo’s flunkies out of her hair, Tony?”

“She enjoyed herself too much to care. Vampires are like a nicotine patch for assassins. You can kill them over again in droves without feeling bad.”

“Sweet. Who tells Gibbs where we got the wood for all those stakes?”

“Toss you for it.”

 

FINIS


End file.
